Pop A Ghandi & His Magic Haircut

Open letter to Daryl Palumbo:

Hi there. Now, Daryl, we don't really know each other, but considering we're only three years apart and come from the depths of the not-so-fancy Long Island suburbs, I'm going to take a leap and say...What are you doing?

Look, I know that "hometown pride" isn't something that you need to hold on to, especially when you've been performing for over a decade and making a respectable name for yourself, but this..

Whaaaaaaat is that about? That haircut. That shirt! "I want to be in a pop band," you say?

The Elvis Costello influence is overflowing, and the Squeeze-foam that covers the half-caf, no-fat, whip-free mocha chai lattes that you probably drink now is higher than most beer heads. Ambition is good. You proved that with Glassjaw, as your band ripped off Long Island heroes Silent Majority in such a smart and progressive way, that your music was worthy of the respect of kids that really thrive in the music communities around the country. With Head Automatica, what do you have? Chances at fame, global touring, television spots, notable charting? Limousines? What is it worth to reach a larger audience with awful, awful craptastic sonic concoctions such as "Graduation Day" and "Million Dollar Decision"?

Remember when Glassjaw got signed to a major? 2002's Worship And Tribute completely exploded, and even the most critical of long-time fans couldn't help but blast the record at full volume. Your pit was the first in which I bloodied my face. Worship and all prior albums, including Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, were strong, unique, and full of meaning.

See, you're in a band. What comes first is the music. It speaks for itself. Afterwards, the photos, interviews, and tours allow you to expand on a project that you've supposedly put months or years of effort into making.

This album is garbage. It gets lost in the background when you play it in front of company, and repeatedly turns you into a lazy slump in front of your computer screen on your own. For the mere desire to avoid killing pedestrians, cyclists, and other motorists on the street, I have limited Popaganda's play time in the car to a total of approximately 1min13secs.

If I end up liking this in four months, I'll hate myself, but if you don't put out a real record (because Head's debut, Decadence, is passable with all thanks to Dan the Automator) next time around, I'll hate you more.


P.S. Leaking a photo of your wang on the Internet is SO March 2006. Fall Out Pete did it first, and do you really want to be getting behind that guy?

Think about it. Get back to me. Kthnx.

This open letter is dedicated to Kerin Rose.

1 comment:

Hunter said...

Somebody HAD to do it!